My life according to me...

The little man turns one!

2009-07-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

What! Can it really be? My baby turned one on Sunday, July 26th. We celebrated his birthday and his adoption the day before. It was an amazing day filled with joy. I was thrilled that many of my closest friends and family came to celebrate with me. I'd like to say thank you to all of those who have walked this road with me. I'm truly honored to have you in my life. Excitement overwhelms me when I think of the many more years and fond memories we have yet to make!

My dear friend Launa made his birthday cake. It was so adorable! I actually cried when I saw it. Something nostalgic about your child's first birthday cake, I guess! He loved it. I ate some too. It was carrot cake....my favorite.

Marcus' Adoption Day

2009-07-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

On Friday, July 10th we legally became the parents of our son, Marcus! It was truly an incredible day filled with a million emotions. "My son", you'll never know what those two words mean to me. He's an amazing gift to my life. His very presence makes my life sweeter, richer and more fulfilling. I love being his mother.

I knew from the time I was 15 years old that I most likely would not be able to have my own child because of medical issues. For many years it was incredibly difficult and painful walking through any emotion related to infertility. It felt like I had been given a death sentence. I longed and ached to be a mother. I've always believed that God was able to do a miracle. My fear was if He was willing.

My miracle looked nothing like I thought it would. I've experienced the greatest sense of awe and amazement as I've walked this road to adopting my son. I'm so grateful to God for the responsibility of being a mother. I'm daily asking the Lord to give me the wisdom to parent Marcus in a way that will cause him to become the man he was perfectly created to be.

To my son, I love you my darling boy. You're an incredible little person with a beautiful spirit! You have a way of making even the worst of days brighter and full of hope. You are very special to me and your daddy. I'm so glad you made your way home to us.

Grief

2009-06-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

This has been a difficult week. A precious family from The Well lost their little baby boy on Wednesday. Although I do not know them personally, I have been wrecked emotionally over their loss. My heart is aching for his mother. I can only imagine the millions of emotions flooding over her. I can only think of how I might grieve. Would I pardon myself from guilt and shame that wants to consume my very being? I ache for her. How I pray that Truth would be the only voice she hears. In my deepest groaning, I pray that you would hold her close to your very heart Dear Lord. May she find rest and peace in your loving arms.

My darling boy...

2009-04-02T23:17:00.000-07:00

My baby is getting to big! He's changing everyday. I can't believe he's eight month. He's pulling up to things... I think he's going to walk soon. I can't help but feel incredibly humbled that God would allow Shawn and I to be his Daddy and Mommy! He certainly is a precious gift to both of us.

This week has been difficult. We are still waiting for the adoption to be finalized. Our attorney has dropped the ball which has caused another delay. It's really irritating!

I remember as a little girl sitting by my mom while she played "In His Time" on the piano. Periodically, that song will run through my mind as a gently reminder that God's got it all... it's all in His hands...

In His time, in His time

He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Lord, my life to You I bring,

May each song I have to sing,

Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time.

In Your time, in Your time,

You make all things beautiful in Your time.

Lord, my life to You I bring,

May each song I have to sing,

Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

I'm trying to not be afraid of the "what ifs" and trust that God knows what's best.

I think I can...

2009-03-31T10:02:00.000-07:00

I did it...I got on the scale and realized that I am in need of a serious makeover. I continue to lose the same twenty pounds over and over. I don't crave cheeseburgers or pizza. My nemesis is...sugar! I love it all. I don't discriminate when it comes to cakes, pies, candy, ice cream, chocolate whatever! It's all wonderful and I can't wait to get my hands on it!

I have never been skinny a day in my life. I'm what you'd call "big boned" Ha! I'm sort of okay with that. Maybe it's not a matter of being okay with it. I have realistic ideas about my weight. My body was, simple put, not created for the skinny jeans :)

Lately I've been consumed with my health. The clock is ticking and my body feels like an eighty year old. I've got 2 torn discs in my lower back and a bad knee. The pain is horrible! This extra weight I've been caring around is making things much worse. I've got to do something now.

My biggest fear is not being able to pick up my son and swing him around. I don't want to miss out on the giggles and laugher because I'm not able to run around and play catch with him. I also don't want to be an embarrassment to him when he gets older. I don't want to be a fat mom! That sounds terrible...I know.

So, I've been going to the gym more lately. I've been swimming and taking aqua classes. I can really see a difference. I've lost about 6 lbs so far. It's a good start. I'm trying to set realistic goal for myself. I think I can....I think I can...

Where has all the time gone...

2009-03-04T14:32:00.000-08:00

It's certainly been a long time... I would say a lot has happened since the last time I posted something. I'm a very proud mommy to the most adorable little baby boy in the world, Marcus Shawn Devereaux. He's an incredible miracle for us. It's true, motherhood has completely changed my life. I finally understand what it's like to be late! gasp!! It doesn't matter how hard I try... I seem to always be running late. It's a miracle if I arrive on time. Being tardy was a huge pet peeve of mine. All I can do is laugh at myself.

I'm finally getting to sleep more than 4 hours... in a row. It's AMAZING! It fascinates me how much you can do with little to no sleep. I'm in awe that even when he wakes me at 2 am he's still so precious.

Well, I guess that's it for now... the little Mr. just woke up!

Baby's Due Date

2008-06-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

I just realized that the baby is due 8 weeks from today...
I have a lot of things to do.

2008-06-03T13:17:00.000-07:00

I received a phone call last Friday morning at 10:53 a.m. from our Social Worker. I note the time because at that moment my life flashed before my eyes. Thoughts of t-ball games, bedtime stories and green frogs (only a few of you will get the frog thing...sorry :). "I've got some good news for you..." The soft sound of her voice made me listen closely. "I've chosen you and Shawn to adopt my son!" The tone of her voice had an unexpected excitement that I wasn't prepared for.

I couldn't hold back the tears. My mind was spinning as I hurried for an appropriate thing to say. I was unable to speak for a moment. "I'm honored that you would even consider Shawn and I. We will love him with all of our hearts...I promise." There was so much I wanted to say but didn't because I figure her heart is beating to a different emotion than mine. I can only imagine what this precious girl is feeling. My heart is so tender to her.

We are thrilled beyond belief. What a journey we've been on. I can only praise God for what He has done in my life and my marriage. We are going to be parents! YEAH! Wow! It's unbelievable and surreal. He will be loved. My mom and sister are going to spoil this little guy rotten!

Well, I'll end here. I just love you all so much. I'm so thankful to each and every one of you for walking this journey with me. You're prayers are ever near and very much appreciated. PLEASE continue! The birth mother (Diana) has asked if she can name him Marcus Shawn Devereaux. Marcus means "Defender & Warrior". Now you can pray for him by name!

With Hopeful Hearts,
Suzanne and Shawn

Got the call...

2008-05-20T16:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, the long awaited phone call...

Yesterday, May 19th our Social Worker called. She told me of a young girl who is pregnant (almost 7 months). She's been in foster care for a while and tried to keep her pregnancy a secret for the first six months. She is considering adoption. She met with our SW on Sunday to look at profiles of families who are certified to adopt. She picked us! I can't believe it. I'm overjoyed but a bit apprehensive. It's a very real possibility that she could change her mind. Our SW believes that she wants her child to experience a life that she can't provide. My heart aches for this precious girl. I can't imagine how she must feel.

I'm in awe that she would find something special is us. I'm so thankful. I feel overwhelmed...in a good way. I have so much running through my head. So many things I'd like to say. For now, please pray that God would have His way in all of this. There is a precious unborn child who needs a mommy and daddy. How thrilled are we to even be considered.

Foster to adoption...

2008-03-12T15:12:00.000-07:00

What a journey we've been on! On February 5th, Shawn and I officially became certified to fost-adopt. We've been working with Koinoinia Family Services. We love them so much! We feel blessed to have found such a great organization.

It's now a waiting game. In the mean time...I'm trying to read every book I can on parenting, foster care, adoption and the list goes on and on. It's a whirlwind of emotions. The reality of becoming a parent is exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I have a million things running through my head at any given moment. For all of you who are parents, you probably know exactly what I'm feeling.

If you think of us, please say a prayer. God has done great things in our lives. It's more than I can express in words!